Waiting to Exhale

The calendar showed October 4th, 2012. She and I sat in the sterile office surrounded by semi-gloss light blue walls, our hearts thumping, hands like ice. We waited for the man who wore a white coat to join us, hoping he would provide gentle answers to appease our questions.

The matter was serious, but when I first saw his face, I thought of Santa, stark white hair and fluffy beard, red, rosy cheeks good for pinching. The only thing missing was the apple red hat, and though he would bear dreadful news, his smile was welcoming, as if the three of us were meeting for a stroll in the park on a lovely spring afternoon.

It was amazing how a tiny scope could be guided through the mouth and throat then down the esophagus. CT scans, lab work, MRIs, and a needle too long to discuss occupied her hours for over 1,000 days. Still, we craved clarity. Our world was hazy like thick fog a driver would endure crossing the Golden Gate Bridge during summer in the wee hours of the morning.
And we waited – a necessary evil that all people grapple with too often to count the times on their hands.

Then on that autumn day came words we would have liked to have hurled back to Santa. We had hoped for gentle. Instead…
“All tests point to this auto immune disease, and there is no cause or cure,” he told us with a touch of remorse. The future would necessitate a transplant. It was not cancer, but this finding should not be shunned. She was twenty years old, like a sunflower of friendliness and optimism. He added, “Just live your life.”

I felt her physical pain rip through each atrium and ventricle – my most excruciating moments of being a parent. But her strength embraced and consoled me, her mother, of all things.
Life pulled us through each season.

The calendar now presents the year 2021: She is a lovely, young woman – a wedding band adorns her left ring finger, and geography has changed along with a new insurance card. She meets with another man who wears a similar white coat. X-rays and jabs repeat. “All of your tests are normal,” he affirms. All is normal. Words we had hoped to hear from this new expert.
“I don’t see a reason to keep you in the same box,” he confirms.

This is amazing news! But abdominal stabs and pruritus from the past were as tangible as a twisted knife to the gut. How can we negate that agony? What is the deeper meaning? Should we get the champagne flutes out, give them a quick wash? Has this nightmare finally ended? She chooses to live in the here and now.
Life continues to draw us forward to witness each sunrise and sunset,
although we are still waiting to exhale.

Lauren Scott (c) 2021

Colors

Some wounds lie beneath
the surface, gasping for air,
but finding no respite. Each
touch invites salt-inflicted
agony. If they can’t be seen,
it doesn’t mean stories lack
sad beginnings, middles,
or endings. Life isn’t always
Hallmark. The whole truth
isn’t visible to the naked
eye. Hard times come in
different shapes and sizes;
they have no boundaries.
And reactions that follow
come in various colors.

What color are you?

Lauren Scott © 2018

The Right Attitude

No-fear-Image

One of my new dear friends, Debby, from https://dgkayewriter.com/, wrote this to me regarding my last health update and it stuck…

“We get what we focus on, so don’t make it fear!”
~DG Kaye

This message isn’t new, but it’s so easy to allow fear to slip into our thoughts. It affects not only our reactions to stressful times, but it also affects us physically, causing anxiety and even some unwanted aches and pains. So, this was a timely reminder for me, even though I’m not truly living in fear. However, I am inviting Optimism for a long stay, and if you’re dealing with stress in any form, will you join me in this attitude adjustment? I hope you will, and Thanks, Debby! 💕

hope

And lastly, I’d like to wish you all a Fabulous Friday, and a Wonderful Weekend ahead. With love, Lauren ❤❤❤

Photos: Google

Every Little Inch

We’ve had a stormy rapport
though no fault of your own
All blame can’t be cast on you
so please ignore my groans
for the magnified flaws I see,
masking the good qualities

For instance, your pear shape
provided ease for the birth
of two little human beings,
lifting me higher than imagined
I should complain less and
display more compassion

Your legs carry me quite nicely
on my morning walks and
hikes into the wilderness,
nothing to take for granted
yet reason to feel blessed

Although the few pounds
you insist on carrying
remain a thorn in my side,
your otherwise healthy tone
is clearly implied

Then it’s time to transform –
a much-needed alteration
From this day forward
I’ll offer nothing less
than pure adoration

Lauren Scott © 2018

It Simply Is

In one given moment
on a certain day
a light clicks on
life becomes crystal clear

Contentment carried
its weight, yet the road
of life shadows the river’s
endless changes

Choice on occasion sits at the helm
with supportive excitement
Anticipation follows in the wake
but not lagging at all

However fate at times
lands in the driver’s seat
leaving us only to react
to our own heart’s ability

Lauren Scott © 2015

A Knock on Your Door

When your hair shines like a silver coin
and your age is no longer twenty-one,
when your only hope is simply to remember
and not merely to follow the sun,
will you be grateful for the morning light
when your body has broken in diverse ways
or will you fear the changes fallen upon you
and dread the time in your days?

Lauren Scott © 2015

Foul Ball

Bad news doesn’t discriminate
One day we’re celebrating,
drinking champagne
then in a blur’s time,
we’re wiping tears away

We strengthen our defense
without even trying
at the same time,
praying and sliding

While the outcome relies deeply
on the strength in our mitts
Will it knock us down
or keep us going
without limits?

If you land on your bum
for a minute or two
taking time to sulk
feeling bad for you,
It’s alright
that’s all part of life

but don’t pack your bags
and stay there too long
You’ll feel much better
Fighting the Fight
Keeping your Face to the Light
and Trying to be Strong

Lauren Scott © 2014