Fingers across the keyboard

Dear Friends,

This is a follow-up to my last post on Sept. 19th, and I’m typing as thoughts pour out, so this is more raw than edited. As you may remember, I’ve had a medical issue that landed me in the hospital over a month ago, and I’ve been anticipating a procedure that hopefully would’ve brought answers. Well, the procedure was last Thursday, an ERCP. It’s where a tube passes through the mouth, esophagus, and stomach into the first part of the small intestine. Then a catheter goes into the bile duct to detect causes for high liver enzymes (all non-alcoholic related), severe abdominal pain and jaundice. The doctor injects a dye so that x-rays can be taken of the biliary ducts. I’ve provided an image below if you’re interested. 

Image result for bile duct and liver anatomy

Surprisingly, the doctor (a bile duct expert) couldn’t get the instrument all the way down, in fact, barely down at all because my common bile duct is so scarred. I’ll spare the gory details, but long story short, it was incomplete. This means I have to repeat it next month. Honestly, when he spoke to my husband and I after I had been in recovery and I found this out, I felt depressed. I felt my shoulders drop, knowing, first of all, that I still have no answers, secondly, he still can’t rule out some scary diseases (one of which my daughter has), and thirdly, I have to do this procedure again. 

Everyone was so nice, though, and I’m grateful for an awesome team of doctors – doctors who we know because of our daughter’s experiences. And my doctor was genuinely disappointed with the turnout. But he’s also performed enough of these that he knew when to stop trying before causing complications. I thank him for that.

So, the symptoms I’ve had can be caused by gallstones in the bile duct (gallbladder is out), Primary Schlerosing Cholangitis (PSC, the auto immune disease my daughter has), or Bile Duct Cancer. I admit to being scared and have had some emotional moments. I hope it’s just stones, which are dangerous alone. Any of these causes affect the liver because if bile isn’t taken from the liver through the bile duct into the small intestine, the liver then becomes “sick” and begins to fail. Liver failure is fatal. For PSC, the only cure is a liver transplant, which is what we’re anticipating for our daughter in the future – a future that holds so many uncertainties. 

So why I am blogging about this? I don’t know. Maybe part is to bring awareness to the bile duct and how rare some medical issues can be involving it. Until our daughter was diagnosed, I didn’t give the bile duct a second thought. Nor my liver because I’ve never been a big drinker. This whole thing has been surreal – the fact that I’m experiencing everything similar to my daughter’s symptoms. She doesn’t drink alcohol at all, so it’s just an auto-immune disease that chose her. Ask anyone who knows me..I’m a lightweight when it comes to drinking. So, it’s all a case of being unlucky just like those who are diagnosed with cancer or some other horrible disease.

The upside to sharing what I’ve been undergoing is that in spite of the continued anticipation, the unpleasantries of another ERCP, or fear of the unknown and known, for that matter, life goes on. I feel better physically, although my throat still hurts, but it’s better than yesterday and the day before that. My mindset is healthier, and that doesn’t mean I’m not realistic either. The outcome will be good news or it will be daunting news. Regardless, I want answers. I want to know what’s going on inside me. However, I’m not trying to burden you by posting about this. Maybe what I’m going through will resonate with someone and be of some help even in a small way.

Selfishly, though, I ask for your ongoing positive thoughts and prayers. And I thank you for reading this longer-than-planned post. 🙂

Image result for moving forward

Moving forward with hope in my heart and love for my family and friends who have provided tremendous support. Lauren xoxo
p.s. The title of this post is credited to my son.
p.s.s. Both images are from Google.

Still

Love runs
more deeply now
Still, after years
since the sky
darkened –
the stars
stayed hidden
as the despair
was unbearable
for the heart breaks
each time the mind
strays from reality

Lauren Scott © 2018

My Version, Untitled

When emotions are
exhausted again, I find
myself at home, alone,
closing all windows, then
stopped in the middle of
the hallway, I scream at
a volume that causes the
Golden Gate to shudder in
acknowledgement.
A moment for prayer.

Lauren Scott © 2018

Inspired by Margaret L. Mitchell’s poem:

Sometimes,
when it is all, finally,
too much,
I climb into my car,
roll the windows up,
and somewhere between
backing out of the driveway
and rounding the first corner
I let out a yell
that would topple Manhattan.
How do you pray?

***Thank you for your compassionate words, thoughts,
and prayers from my prior post. All is better for now,
and we live one day at a time as each day is a gift…
I was talking to my pastor the other day, and she
sent me Margaret Mitchell’s poem. I’ve read this
before, love it, and couldn’t believe how perfectly
it resonated. So I was inspired to write my own version,
but since the idea and wording are similar, I wanted
to cite the author.***

Finding a Balance when life throws a curve ball

Dear Friends,

I’m adding another plug for my latest book Finding a Balance. To purchase a copy, paperback or e-book, any of the links below will direct you to the right place depending on the preferred site. All you need to do is click specifically on the words Xlibris, Amazon or Barnes and Noble and you’ll be on that site.

BOOK COVER FINAL 1.26.15This collection of poetry is a compilation that speaks often of my emotions and spirit after finding out about my daughter’s illness three years ago. But in contrast to this sadness, I possess a romantic soul and am blessed to have celebrated close to twenty-seven wonderful years of marriage to my husband and best friend. So from darkness to light, through faith and romance, I find strength to move forward. This book takes the reader on a ride of different emotions evoked from life and love.

My Publisher, Xlibris: http://bookstore.xlibris.com/Products/SKU-000756814/Finding-a-Balance.aspx

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Balance-Lauren-Scott/dp/1503528006/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445952378&sr=8-1&keywords=finding+a+balance+by+lauren+scott

Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/finding-a-balance-lauren-scott/1121084225?ean=9781503528000

All proceeds go to The Chris Klug Foundation in honor of my daughter. Chris had the same disease in his twenties, underwent a liver transplant, then became the first transplantee to win in the Olympics (2002). He is a professional snow boarder and lives in Aspen, Colorado, now in his early forties. Please also feel free to share this post with others who you think might be interested in helping with this cause and who enjoys poetry.

chris klug foundation

 

 

 

 

http://chrisklugfoundation.org/
His mission is to spread the vital importance of becoming an organ donor; offering second chances. Please visit his site for more information.

I sincerely hope you’ll help with this cause, as the only reward I’m receiving is the knowledge that others are becoming organ donors. Some day my daughter may need a second chance…Thank you so much and if you do purchase a copy, I hope you enjoy its contents, Lauren ♥

“This isn’t a post for sympathy, but a request to help with a cause important to my family. My daughter is fine now, with occasional symptom flare-ups, but the disease is slow progressing and there is no certain timeline showing when things will get worse. Of course, we continue to pray for a healing miracle.”