Journal Entry 9/10/18

September 10, Monday

(hospital stay 9/7-9/9 Fri-Sun)

It’s evening when I usually pick up a good book, but my eyes are just too tired and my mind is too preoccupied to concentrate on anything. My body is also fatigued as though every ounce of energy has been zapped. Then when my head meets the pillow, my mind begins to wander again. Some thoughts lead into great memories of present or past. This is when I breathe deeply and thank God. And some start to tumble into a darker place where I have no desire to be. Those thoughts provoke wild emotions, and the last thing I need is puffy eyes in my morning reflection.

So, it takes mustering up a lot of strength to bat those dark thoughts away as if they’re pesky, blood-sucking mosquitoes. This is when I also breathe deeply – slowly inhaling, slowly exhaling, hoping to relax and fall into a deep slumber where thinking is finished for the night. And I pray to God that I’ll be okay. One thing I’ve been reminded of is just how fragile life can be, and I didn’t need reminding.

With this being said, and even through an occasional two-minute-melt-down, I’ll keep the faith as the waiting and testing continues. I won’t let optimism out of my sight. Taking one day at a time still rings true. And I am beyond grateful for the love and support of my awesome family and friends.

(I hope to catch up on blog-reading real soon. Stay safe and well. Lauren ❤)



59 thoughts on “Journal Entry 9/10/18

  1. I’m so sorry to read you are in the hospital Lauren. I’m not at WP much, just happened to stop in to approve a pending comment today. I hope you’re home very soon. Hugs and best wishes.💟

    1. Thanks so much, Geraldine. I appreciate you stopping by while passing through. I was in the hospital last weekend, ER on Friday, and they kept me. I plead to go home Sunday, and luckily, my doctor let me. But I wasn’t completely 100%. I’m feeling better but am still tired and doing more lab work tomorrow. Hopefully, I’ll get an answer this week, but it’s complicated to diagnose. Anyway, hugs and love back to you, my friend, and thanks again…

    1. I know it can, Balroop, and thank you for the encouragement. More lab work tomorrow, and then I’ll see what the next step is. It’s complicated to diagnose, but my energy is better. It’s just the internal part that needs healing. Thanks again for your wishes…

  2. Lauren, my heart and thoughts are with you. You will win over those ‘pesky, bloodsucking thoughts, – with that attitude, how dare they remain.
    Life is fragile but it is also strong.
    Wishing for a quick response to your tests so you no longer walk in the dark where imagination builds frightening castles.
    🤗 .

    1. Thanks for your heart and thoughts and for your encouraging words, Miriam. I really appreciate them. Those pesky thoughts have flown away for now, but depending on what transpires, I’m hoping they won’t return. My spirits are better, now just hoping for healing and answers…xo

  3. Lauren, I’m so sad and shocked to read you’re in hospital. Times like this one is indeed reminded about the fragility of life … my thoughts are with you my friend. May the results be more a matter of ruling things out. May the light of life and love give you extra strength during this difficult time. Love & hugs, Annika xx❤️🌺

    1. It’s nice to see you, Annika, and thank you so much for your special wishes. I hope you’re enjoying your break, and know you have been missed. Hopefully, I’ll find out more this week after lab work tomorrow. Sending love and hugs to you, also…xoxo

  4. Always here to read your thoughts and support you as you go through this scary and worrying time whatever the reason. Even though I only know you as a picture on a screen and the words I read my thoughts are so with you at this time. Keep breathing steadily xxx

    1. Alison, your comment really warmed my heart. Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. Believe me, deep breathing has been a constant for me through this and actually helps. Thanks again, and enjoy your Sunday….xoxo

      1. That’s great. It really does help, and when I get all tense or emotional, it doesn’t do any good. So breathing and trying to relax is key for me. Thanks again, Alison. Hugs…

  5. Dear Lauren, I just read you are/were in the hospital. I truly hope all turns out for the better for you very soon. Hang in there my dear friend. Hope you are well soon. Lots of love and healing hugs from across the pond. ❤️❤️

    1. Hi Francina, I was in the hospital last weekend, unexpectedly. I’ve been home all week, resting and getting my energy back. I’m hoping to find out more this week. Thanks for your positive wishes, my friend, and I’m hanging in there…big hugs to you and hope all is well. Sending love across the big blue, too…

    1. That’s lovely, Jane, thank you so much. I can feel the love and it helps knowing others care, even if we only know each other virtually. I hope to get more concrete answers this week, so my fingers are crossed. But I also hope they’re not too daunting…Hugs to you, too, and hope you are well. xoxo

    1. Thanks very much, Mihran. Your prayers are appreciated. With so many friends and family praying, good news has to prevail. Or at least, I hope so…for now, I’m feeling better on the outside; it’s all internal that needs healing and diagnosing…take care, my friend…

  6. Oh Lauren, I do hope you are alright? Good idea to keep your thoughts in the light, not the darkness. It can be difficult to do sometimes but essential. Sending you light and healing vibes. ❤

    1. Thanks, Deb. I’m feeling better now, but am still doing lab work and other possible tests to diagnose what is going on inside. My spirits are much higher than last week, though, and my energy is back. So far, the light is brighter, too. Thanks again! Hugs 💕💕

  7. Dear Lauren… You know I hold you closely in my prayers.. I hope also you too hold that faith and belief that you are an amazing Being, who can Transend all back to perfect health.. ❤ Much love my friend. xx

    1. Thanks so much, Sue, for your warm and comforting words. I feel better physically and emotionally, more optimistic than a week ago. Please know I appreciate your love, support, and friendship. Much love to you and Big hugs! 💗💗💗

  8. Oh, no! I hope you’re okay again? Wish I could have been there and hold your hand to make those dark thoughts go away, Lauren! Will keep you in thoughts and hope that the tests will only bring good news and clarity. Stay safe, dear friend! Sending huge hugs and lots and lots of love your way! Xoxo ❤

    1. You’re so sweet, Sarah! Thank you so much for your warm comment. I’m feeling fine, but still fatigued at times. The procedure is on Oct. 11th, so thanks in advance for your positive thoughts, my friend. I need to catch up on your blog, too, and will do that this week. Thanks for the hugs and love and I’m sending some back to you, also. xoxoxo

      1. Don’t worry about catching up with my blog, I completely understand, and I’m actually not blogging that much lately. 😊 I’ll think of you especially on Oct 11 and send you lots of hugs and love in the meantime! Take good care, dear friend! xoxoxo ❤

    1. Thanks so much, my friend. I’m feeling better physically, but the procedure is tomorrow, which will hopefully explain the pain and high labs from a month ago. It’s all internal. Please keep me in your prayers, and I’ll keep you posted. Hugs and love to you, Michelle! xo

      1. Thanks, Michelle! I’m up early and have to fast, no food or water. The food is no problem, but no water is really hard since I’m a water drinker all day long. We leave at 11:30 am, so I’m going to keep myself busy. 🙂 Have a good day! Hugs!

      2. Good luck today, Lauren. It’s hard when tests aren’t scheduled early. I’ll be thinking about you today and praying for answers. 💕💕💕

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