Finding peace…

Dear Friends,

I hope you’re doing well. Our family has been spending as much time as possible with my father-in-law who is nearing the end of his life. He is on hospice, living in a lovely facility with the best care. It has been difficult to witness his body failing, but the silver lining is that spending more time with him has been a gift – these moments have given us room to prepare for the inevitable. When he is lucid on occasion, the gift is even greater.

Writing poetry during my break has been soothing. This surreal experience has been emotional for all of us, but if it inspires me to write, my husband feels it’s a beautiful thing. I was motivated to try a Haibun for the first time after reading D.L. Finn’s gorgeous poetry book, Deep in the Forest Where Poetry Blooms. I loved her collection and will share a review and a couple others in the next few weeks.

This piece may not qualify as a Haibun, but it’s a beginning…

The Last Days

The outdoor temperature feels like a summer day in August though ghosts and goblins lurk around the bend. The orange ball shines brilliantly lighting up the clear blue sky. But inside his room, death awaits in the corners – a dreary atmosphere until we turn on lights to uplift our spirits. Classical music drifts out the windows, swirling around the trees and gardens still bursting with reds and oranges. Photos of family and friends, and ball caps from favorite sports teams embellish the bare white walls.

He lies in bed each day, body frail. A vision we hope will fade over time. A vision contrasting to the man who hiked mountains. The small clock ticking on the bedside table and the calendar hanging on the wall irrelevant. His words, an untranslatable language. His appetite, diminished, but it’s time for breakfast, so we pull the lids from each tub. He slightly opens his mouth like a mama bird feeds her chick, and we gently hold the spoon so he can take in tiny bites of pureed eggs and oatmeal. The tubs still look full, but so is his stomach. Sleep calls him. His chest slowly moves up and down with soft breaths. We stretch out this moment, then we lay a kiss on his forehead, tell him that we love him and that we’ll see him later. We steal one more glance at Dad, then we slowly walk out the door with tears struggling for freedom.

a routine until
he slowly draws his last breath
preparing our hearts

**A Haibun is a combination of prose and haiku, and usually includes autobiography, diary, essay, prose poem, short story, or travel journal.

© Lauren Scott, Baydreamerwrites.com – All rights reserved.

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From his son – until that time…

I look at the frail man
lying in the hospice bed
whose body is slowly giving up.
My eyes close.

Is he my father?
The pillar in my life?

It’s tough to accept
because
my father stands next to me
in the 8×10 frame
on the peak
of San Gorgonio mountain,
highest in Southern California
.

At 65, he hiked
up and down that mountain,
18 miles round trip.
Sun hat, t-shirt, long pants,
smile, heart full of adventure,
this man, so full of life
.

The end of his trail draws near.
Grief will find its way, no doubt.
and I will surrender,
then I will shout to the universe
in celebration
of the incredible man he used to be.

Until that time,
I look at his face,
I bend down to kiss him
on the forehead.
I focus on his good eye,
and I see my wonderful father
who stood beside me
on that mountain top.

© Lauren Scott, Baydreamerwrites.com – All rights reserved.
My father-in-law always says, “Until that time.”

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Hospice Wings

He sees
emerald rolling hills
and brilliant blue skies
that stretch forever.

He sees a train rolling by,
the passengers wave,
cars float in the clouds,
a wire suspended between lips,
a lady painted on the door,

but he listens,
he understands,

his appetite takes in small bites,
slow swallowing,
juice flows fluidly through
a flexible straw,

yesterday, cranberry flavors
made him smile.
Today, he winced at the thought.

We hold his hand,
sometimes, he doesn’t let go.

We say, “I love you.”

He repeats these words,
then adds
“More than you know.”

Each day differs.
Each day surprises.
Each day is heartbreaking
as we wait…

© Lauren Scott, Baydreamerwrites.com – All rights reserved.

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Heartbeat

Henry was engrossed in a gripping James Patterson novel when his heart jumped a beat. The second episode this week. It skipped again. He called his daughter in the kitchen, and her fingers found the buttons on her cell for emergency. The sun was setting on this Friday when paramedics arrived. Henry was soon x-rayed. Linda called her older sister, and they learned from Dr. Roberts that their elderly dad’s heart was giving up. They knew their parents would soon be reunited. Monday morning, their loving father took his last breath. He would once again dance with his sweetheart.

_____________________________________________________________________________

© Lauren Scott, Baydreamerwrites.com – All rights reserved.
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